Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
