Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
