he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
