In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
