well you can't waste a boner
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
