Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
