Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
