I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
