Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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