Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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