haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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