He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
