what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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