I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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