a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
