just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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