fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
