She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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