were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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