I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she smelled like a LAN party
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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