I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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