They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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