my phone needs a breathalizer
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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