Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
