I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
