If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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