i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
