She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
