he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
