Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
