You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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