and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dignity is for republicans.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
