Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
