I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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