i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
