420 ftw
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
