So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
