I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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