She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
