I am puke
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
