wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
