Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
