a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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