From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How naked do you want me to be?
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