So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
