my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
