Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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