im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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