just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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