Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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