White coat. Heels.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
