new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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