id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
